PAIN.

So if this is how it feels, I don't want to feel it anymore, ever.
'Cos pain is just overrated.
I have felt it.
It ain't poetic.
It ain't romantic.
It ain't bittersweet always.
It ain't a melody.
Sometimes it feels like a blackout.
Sometimes like sucks-your-soul-out.
And sometimes like a week full of dental procedures.
Pain can bind you into a web of dismay and pessimism.
It keeps whispering to you, "I'm not going away. I'm here to stay."
Pain has made me desperate.
Pain has made me vulnerable.
Pain has made me change.
Pain has made me lose myself.
I think about all the pretty four letter words and I pick pain as the odd one out.
Lovely words, love, hope, kiss, like, star, however lovely they are, they all can be linked to this unpretty four letter word: pain.
They say time is the best healer.
I agree.
Time has cured me too, from pain.
But time can do nothing about the scars.
Pain leaves you a mark.
You don't have a choice.
With you, it resides.
Forever.
I know I said pain ain't poetic, but here I am, yet writing about it.
I'd still say it ain't poetic.
If anything it is, I'd call it interesting.
Cos it has the most difficult job ever.
A job that even my sadistic side dreads to take up.

WHAT I WROTE IN BOREDOM

Boredom doesn't kick in suddenly. It begins at ground level. Slowly and steadily catching up to meet you. It is a very interesting process, if you ask me. Right from the toe, it begins to crawl up. In time it reaches the knee level, and then binds you to your seat. Robs you off the will to move. Going on, it reaches the groin. You hate to get up even to attend the nature's call. And then when it clutches your tummy, you don't really care about the rats tango-ing inside it, begging you to devour the delicacies in the kitchen. About time it climbs up to the heart. You're too bored to romance. Too bored to flirt. Too bored to be heartbroken, alright. Marching up the throat, boredom continues to roll. You don't wanna answer any call. You don't wanna waste your breath to talk. Rather, you're too bored to. And all you do is yawn. Well boredom, this evil fellow that he is. Enters the nose after a while. You're too bored to smell a big fat fart. But boredom? It has plans to enter the eye. Now you know why no amount of T.V. entertains your mind? One plunge into the brain, is coming up next. You don't think, you don't care. Hola! 'Peace of mind' for free. This lousy, but active guy happily gives you that. It's always there. Oh-so-om-ni-present. Before every task, after every task. "Annoying boredom" won't just let you be. Unless you ignore it and quickly go to sleep. 

Try this when bored.

Self Control

Little do they know what's wrong and right
A weak voice in their head whispers in the night
Resisting the urge to give in to what their heart says
While body doesn't care about the price they'll have to pay
It was the death of their self control
But pleasure heard the drum roll

Once a mistake, twice a blunder is said by all
But have they not known, few of 'em ARE relished and recalled?
And if it wasn't for them shedding their inhibitions
Those wonderful moments would never fruition
But with their self control losing this lost battle
'Fear of the future' in their cages began to rattle

Thrice upon a time the feelings became stronger
The inevitable, the unavoidable, again did occur
Emotions mingled with desire, passion saw no calm
Complacent in the cocoon of each other's arms
Hinting the rise of something really beautiful
But oh baby, self control again had the great fall

The risk of letting the sweet verbal wars flow
He couldn't take, cos for certain he didn't know
What chamber of his heart did she fit in
Striving for what one feels, is it really a sin?
She let his unexplained logic take charge of this hassle
Sadly, we let self control bury what could be a lovely miracle...

Boxed

Count all the memories, count all the pain,
Count every little mistake you made.
Now put it in a box and lock it from outside..
Hide away the key, away the key hide!

If the box is your brain, big trouble you shall gain.
Specially, if the box-brain is like mine, that remembers every silly detail..

No warning, no reason, no rhyme,
Pops up a thought clear and defined..
There starts the tap in the corner of my eye..
Sniff tear sniff tear..Lo! This is how I cry

Thoughts in me there, are not that depressed,
But an old gift an old word, evokes happy tears I guess..

A Movie scene was showing war and bloodshed,
I cried, as I imagined my warrior dead..

A Judith Mcnaught was in my hand,
No more in love with my ex..yet the flashback began
I correlated my past with every chapter,
Yes! The waterworks made me feel much better.

While traveling by train Gotye sang on my playlist,
he reminded me of all those that I used to know and all that I miss

The list goes on as I clean my drawer,
And find a card and a wilted flower.
Well, tears of gratification do ooze out..
I bet you'll wanna tear your hair out.

But I'd still like to mention one more...
Cos this one makes all of us nostalgic, I'm sure!
Just an innocent me staring back through the pics,
Young mommy-daddy, aww such sweet clicks

Amazing they said is a memory this sharp,
I bet you'll disagree after reading so far..
Yet if you still wanna give it a shot,
Go ahead and help your smart-box rot.

Hey! Do temme what consequences you face.
I'll add it to the above and a new warning poem we shall make B-)

3rd Sep'2011 : My Key To Your Lock

I close my eyes and try to see you..
Try to see not just the face that makes me smile
Try to see what lies in those deep brown eyes
Figuring out words from your lips are if a lie
Figuring out words unspoken and reading between the lines
I wanna know all about you, the entire you.
What ticks you?
I want a clue
What hurts you?
And just known by a few

That one thing that makes your mouth water..
The foul words of anger under your breath you'd mutter
The moments that took your breath away
A Sad memory that on your mind still plays

Gimme the bits and I'll try putting it together
Solve the puzzle, which how mysteriously you cover

The trait in you that you hate the most
Is it the heights that you fear or the ghosts?
The only promise you've ever broken
To save your girl, the guy you've badly beaten

So, how hard did you try to get the "stars"
Did you lose the "moon" and regret so far?

How I wish to know it right!
Your worst or biggest fight?
The dream which replays every night
Does your past haunt your present??
The pain which no amount of meds could lessen

Whatever it is that makes you strong?
Why do you relate to that one particular song?
What would you chose?
Black or white!?
The drink that makes you high..
Is it whiskey, rum or sprite?

Your definition of life and love...
Do you even know how to use a stove?

Your dreams, your passion
Your doubts, your fashion
The quote that's been your motivation
During that difficult hour when you held your patience

Spill your thoughts n satisfy my soul,
Quench its thirst to know thy soul.
Just show me all that's locked up inside,
Whisper in my ear, the only time you've ever cried.

Unveil your shadows, and i promise to walk beside
But again, have you even needed a guide?

I wanna count, add and multiply..
Know thy "mind" and thy "sigh"

So, aid me while I walk this path?

e.x.p.e.c.t.a.t.i.o.n.s

A lot of times in life we see that things don't turn out how we expect them to.
We are always told not to expect. Agreed. But have you realized this, even while not expecting we are surely expecting somewhere.
It is human nature to do things out of love, want or care and yet desire to get all of it in return. What's wrong in that I wonder. Hadn't newton too stated: to every action there is an equal and opposite reaction ? Atleast there should be.
But again we forget that without that reaction, our deeds are followed by heartbreaks, regrets, and anger.
So did I not deserve something in exchange?
Am I not good enough to be at the receiving end for once?
Or ain't I just not permitted to wish for the "give and take"?
Its inevitable for these questions to arise.
However hard you try to block them out or you fight with yourself to let them go.
You make it simple and vow not to repeat the history.
How long does it work? All it takes is a moment to make you forget the promises you made to yourself when you were deprived of what you craved for.
So let's just say, I have not found a solution to this.
It is one vicious cycle with "expectations" at its centre.
The only key out here is endurance.
You bear it, and you learn from it.
Wait,  learning out here doesn't mean you don't repeat your mistakes.
You just grow stronger, stronger to endure some more.

Confessions of a glum soul

I'm missing the feeling of being high on life
I'm missing the long convo with my overseas friend
I'm missing that text which I'm maybe never gonna get
I'm missing the music playing in my ears even after the song ends
Can't find that reason to squeal
Can't locate what is the big deal
Can't point my finger to what is wrong
Can't decide how long shall I play along
The greyest cloud's raining and pouring o'erhead
The red color of my nails I'm chipping away
The otherwise bright yellow flower seems dull instead
The black-white combo somehow suits my day
Maybe a hug could do the deed, and I won't rant on endlessly
Maybe a call feeding my dead seed, and make this glumness flee
Maybe lil magic sprinkled on my palm coloring my mood back
Maybe a flicker of hope if awakened, shall put all worries to rest